Basically, it’s a personal choice that has an impact on the way we relate to the Other from the moment we feel – or are really – betrayed.

We don’t have the ability to “forget” because our memory captures and stores everything. What’s more, events that hurt us deeply always bring lessons: about areas of ourselves that need to be restructured, or about others, or even about a greater Value: that there are bad people. Look, and smile, but nowhere in your body will you find an on/off button for events that your memory has stored. Memory stores in “packages”; it’s a huge warehouse.

Let’s change the focus: from forgiving to accepting. Why? Because we also don’t have the ability to undo what has been done and forgiveness is an act clearly related to the past. We can’t change the past, but we can rebuild our present and, in doing so, we probably ensure a better and happier future.

Therefore, it is accepted by all of us that Forgetting is impossible, that Forgiving is an impossible visit to a past that no longer exists, so we Accept, and this decision allows us to eliminate the energy losses caused by the need or social formatting derived from having to forgive.

As far as trust is concerned, sometimes it has been lost because there was a lack of clear communication, a misunderstanding. A review of the events, reflection without judgment and – if possible – an authentic and honest dialogue, allow a clearer view of what happened, which can often bring back the trust between two people.

I would like to add that trust is one of the pillars of humanity, because without it we cannot establish bonds that keep us from the spectre of loneliness and isolation. Trust is not a toy to be liked or disliked. And before we consider certain actions, we should consider their impact on that Value.

© Ana Kintsugi